Anonymous 34

I don’t even really know where to start. I’m 35 and for most of my adult life I’ve been fighting this heavy, dark kind of fog that never really goes away. People say "depression" like it’s just sadness but for me it was more like complete numbness. I would wake up, go to work, make dinner, do all the things I was “supposed” to do, but inside I feel completely empty. I didn’t really tell anyone because on the outside it looked like I was doing fine. I have a job, I’m married, we have a dog, but honestly there were weeks I didn’t shower, and nights I would just sit in the bathroom and cry without even really knowing why.

It took me hitting what I think was my personal bottom—losing interest in everything, not even caring if I was here anymore—to finally ask for help. It wasn’t some huge breakthrough moment. It was more like, I just didn’t want to feel nothing anymore. I started seeing a therapist and made myself go for walks, even if they were only five minutes long. I started listening to calming sounds at night to help my brain shut off. It’s still hard, I won’t lie. But there are moments now that feel… soft. Like maybe I don’t have to carry all of this forever. And I think that’s the beginning of healing for me.