What to Do When You Miss Someone So Deeply It Hurts
Missing someone can feel like a dull ache in your chest or a sudden wave that takes your breath away. It can sneak up on you in the middle of a busy day or settle in quietly during the quiet of night. It’s not just an emotion — it’s an absence that lives in your body.
And when that longing runs deep, it’s more than a passing thought.
It’s a physical heaviness. A tear behind your smile.
It’s remembering their laugh and hearing silence in its place.
If you’ve ever missed someone so deeply it physically hurts — you’re not alone. And you’re not broken.
You’re just feeling love with nowhere to go.
This Kind of Missing Is a Form of Grief
It doesn’t matter if the person is gone due to death, distance, a breakup, estrangement, or something more complicated. Missing them is still grief — even if you don’t always recognize it as such.
Grief isn’t reserved for funerals or endings.
It shows up in the middle of everyday life:
Reaching for your phone to tell them something — then remembering you can’t
Hearing a song that takes you back to them
Smelling their favorite scent or walking by their favorite place
Sitting in silence, overwhelmed by the weight of what isn’t anymore
This kind of missing isn’t always logical. It’s emotional. And that’s okay.
Here’s What to Do When the Missing Becomes Too Much
The pain of longing won’t vanish overnight. But there are ways to soften the edges — to feel the ache without getting lost in it.
Here are a few things that might help:
💭 1. Let Yourself Feel It — Without Trying to “Fix” It
You don’t need to shove it down. You don’t have to rush to feel better.
Missing someone means they mattered. It means you loved. That’s nothing to be ashamed of.
So cry.
Be still.
Whisper their name if it helps.
Let yourself feel it — all of it — without apology.
The pain may not disappear, but it often becomes easier to carry when you stop resisting it.
🖋️ 2. Write to Them — Even If They’ll Never See It
There’s healing in putting your heart into words. Write them a letter.
Say what you wish you could say. Share a memory. Tell them what’s changed. What hurts. What you’re still trying to understand.
You don’t have to share it. Just write it.
Writing gives the ache a place to go — instead of letting it stay bottled up.
🔁 3. Create a Ritual That Keeps the Connection Alive
Sometimes what hurts the most is the fear of forgetting or being forgotten.
You don’t need to “move on.” You can move forward while still honoring what was.
Try:
Lighting a candle in their memory
Listening to a song that reminds you of them
Taking a walk and thinking of them
Cooking their favorite meal
Wearing something that makes you feel close to them
Rituals turn pain into meaning. They help you feel connected — even in absence.
🤍 4. Talk About Them Without Censoring Yourself
You don’t have to pretend you’re over it. You’re allowed to bring them up.
To say their name. To tell a story. To cry mid-sentence.
Speak their memory into the world.
Saying it out loud often softens the grief that silence tries to bury.
🧘 5. Breathe Through the Waves
Some days will hit harder than others — anniversaries, quiet weekends, unexpected triggers. When the wave comes, don’t try to outswim it. Breathe through it.
Try this:
Inhale for 4 seconds
Hold for 4 seconds
Exhale for 6–8 seconds
Repeat until your nervous system starts to settle
You may not be able to control the missing — but you can stay anchored through it.
Final Thought: Missing Someone Means You Loved Deeply
You don’t have to justify your grief. You don’t have to explain your longing.
Missing someone is a side effect of love — and love doesn’t have an expiration date.
So when it hurts, let it.
When it lingers, honor it.
And when you’re ready, find small ways to live fully while carrying them with you.
Because sometimes, the people we miss most never really leave us — they just live differently now.
Not in our presence, but in our memory, our choices, our quiet moments.
Missing them is your heart remembering.
Healing comes when you let it remember without losing yourself in the pain.
